The numerals in our age might change, but our lives don’t have to.
A purposeful life with clear continuity is becoming a common desire among senior citizens, according to Meika Loe, an associate professor of sociology and women’s studies. Loe also is the director of the Women’s Studies program and the interim director of the Upstate Institute at Colgate University.
Loe, the author of “Aging Our Way: Lessons for Living from 85 and Beyond,” studied the lives of several elders in order to illustrate her discovery aging doesn’t mean giving up what you used to do.
In a recent interview, Loe told Prime about a few of her subjects she observed and worked with in her research.
One subject in particular, Eddie, was an elevator operator for many years at the New York State Capitol in Albany. After retiring, Loe said Eddie found his own sense of continuity by becoming a greeter at his local community center.
Because Eddie spent so many years greeting legislators and senators, he felt he was working hard and had a purpose in his life.
“It’s important that we work hard at the continuity in our lives,” Loe said. “It tells the story on how we lead our lives.”
Redefining family
Nowadays, the anatomy of a family is far from what we would have once considered “traditional” or “typical.”
This change in family make-up, according to Loe, has become a crucial component of the aging process. Because many people move regularly per the availability of jobs, Loe says many families tend to be spread out geographically. Also, some people might not have had children of their own so they don’t have a second generation to celebrate holidays with or to share everyday life experiences.
In her book, Loe describes this occurrence when she talks about Rose, a 90-year-old woman who “adopted a friend or a sister” whom she met at her church. Her newfound 70-year-old sister was a widow just like Rose and she sought the same thing someone to have in her daily life. They now have someone who “cares about them” and someone to check in on them on a daily basis.
Loe says this diverse family model is also true among younger people. For example, she says this also is true among college students who stay in a dorm. They find friends to create a social family because they’re away from home. This sort of family relationship can happen “at any stage in life,” Loe said.
However, she found this very apparent in her research among people over the age of 80. In her own life, she has experienced this as well. As a woman in her late 30s, with deceased grandparents, she also has adopted surrogate grandparents
In her own neighborhood, she has a “social family” as well. Loe describes this as a way she has found “dependable connections” among like-minded individuals. She said they celebrate major events together, host a monthly potluck and they run errands for one another.
In the end, it’s about “reciprocity,” Loe says.
Taking care
Loe says that finding qualities such as continuity, purpose, dependability and reciprocity is becoming more and more important for people as they age. She describes “Aging Our Way: Lessons for Living from 85 and Beyond,” as a “how to” on who to care for one’s life.
“In the end, I look back at this project, it’s all about self-care,” Loe said. “In fact, [my subjects] do a whole lot of self-care. There’s no one right way to do it…create meaningful lives.”
She continues to say that her subjects’ new ways of life should be viewed as handy helpful reminders for us at any age.
It’s up to us on how we want to utilize our time if and when we retire or if our relationship status changes, especially later in life.
“It’s up to each person,” Loe said. “There are many ways to do self-care.”
Loe studied several elders who are totally independent, living vital meaningful lives. “The many ways that they do that can be an inspiration to all of us.”
However, Loe said that (at any age) it’s important to ask for help if it is needed because being independent isn’t always feasible as we age.
While she encourages people to reach out to family members for help, she says it’s important for those relatives to understand their day-to-day lives and to keep those aspects alive and well.
Farah F. Jadran is the associate editor of Prime and the managing editor of Syracuse Woman Magazine, she can be reached at [email protected].
