What have we gotten ourselves into?

Brian and I set the date for our wedding during the summer and since then I have been making some plans for the upcoming event. Actually, the only thing I have done (besides hours of research and pulling my hair out) is to reserve the church and reception hall. Brian and I also completed our pre-wedding class.

Everything else has been an endless headache.

Brian is my best friend. We have our own world together, one that only he and I share with our most intimate thoughts, dreams and plans — a level at which no one else can ever understand us. Knowing he is going to be my husband not only makes complete sense to me, but also creates a feeling of euphoria within me that I cannot describe.

Now that I have expressed my feelings for Brian and my delight in our impending marriage:

Who spends $2,000 on a wedding cake? You eat it and it’s gone. Of course, if you eat a lot of it you can wear it on your hips (and for that price, it better show). And what about the flowers, center pieces and favors? I want to show my guests I appreciate them sharing our day, but do they really want to take home M&M’s with our initials and wedding date printed on them? For crying out loud, M&M’s are meant for eating, not keepsakes. No doubt, the novelty is pretty cool, but is it practical?

I don’t intend to deny any woman her fairytale wedding, nor do I want to discredit the businesses that do a beautiful job contributing to make that dream a reality. I just don’t see the need to begin a marriage by going ridiculously into debt.

Anyway, the primary purpose of a wedding is for the couple to commit to each other for eternity. And most couples want to share this life changing moment with friends and family, hence a reception. But when did the wedding overtake the marriage?

My parents are paying for an enormous chunk of our wedding, for which I can’t thank them enough. At the same time, however, I don’t feel right putting this financial burden on them. Why should they be expected to pay? It’s not like I am not going to be a liability to Brian — the era of offering your daughter, along with a cow and a pig so the man will feel little financial burden and marry her are long gone.

I’ll admit, when I first got engaged, I envisioned a beautiful ceremony and reception with all the extras. But, being frugal (a penny-pincher, yes I admit it), I’ve come to realize all the extras aren’t necessary. Yet, the wedding has already taken on a life of it’s own. Family and friends keep reminding me “I can’t wait for your wedding,” “It’s going to be the best time” and “We’ve been looking forward to this for years (it did take Brian 5 years to propose).” It’s a lot to live up to.

And what is with people inviting themselves? We have a list of about 225 people (280 if everyone brings a guest) and we have tried to include as many as we can, but we can’t invite everyone. It seems presumptuous to me when people approach us and say “make sure you invite me” or “you don’t mind if I bring a couple of extras.” Are you kidding me? This isn’t a weekend gathering to watch an SU game or a summer barbecue. Brian and I are very hospitable people and always welcome casual acquaintances and new people to our home, but come on. We’re talking upwards of $40 a plate and limited space. And even if I won the lottery, it would be ridiculous to invite everyone we are familiar with.

As it is, the ball is already rolling for many of the details of the day. However, as I look back to the summer and think about my haste in booking the reception hall and church, I wonder if I had taken more time to plan if I would’ve chosen a simpler celebration.