There’s a chill in the air, a meteorological nudge telling me to start my Christmas list. Actually, I’ve been thinking about Christmas for several months, anticipating the annual madness as well as the need to adjust to the changes that life and politics bring. Does anyone know where I can buy some lumps of coal?

For sure, we will have a new faux Christmas tree this year.

I can hear my spouse now, questioning me. “What’s wrong with the old one?”

Well, by any measure, the old fake fir has become more recyclable than celebratory; hard to assemble would be an improvement and half of the lights no longer work. So, I am beginning my list with: Find a reasonably priced artificial Christmas tree that speaks to the rest of my plans for the holiday … whatever they are.

This advent anxiety never changes. Every year I try to smooth out the processes and every year it still has lumps, bumps and potholes. It’s all about stuff and meaning.

I am no different than people who railed against the materialism of Christmas over a hundred years ago. My gosh, Charles Dickens was one of the loudest protesters and he lived in the mid-19th century. (For those who are confused, the nineteenth century’s years begin with 18. I add this tidbit because I was probably 30 before I could rationalize why a date beginning with 18 should be counted as being in the 19th century, and apparently, I wasn’t the only one so confused.)

Back to my Christmas list, I do believe that I will need professional help in fulfilling my goals to bring joy to the recipients.

Why? There are seven males on the list. Finding lovely, appreciated gifts for women is easy; for males? Not. Women are always needing a little something and they so appreciative of the effort and thought.

The youngest on my male Christmas list are 3 years old. Their world is one where everything is new, so finding something that engages them will not be difficult. Right now, their favorite thing in the world is Paw Patrol. That may change by Christmas so I am seeking other opportunities among the tried and true, things like coloring books, trucks, crafts and, of course, books.

As for the older version of men, since the all of the remaining males on the list consider themselves to be men … there is no hope. I’ve actually given my son-in-law the same shirt twice. How many golf balls can you use? What about stuff for your vehicle? A new tool? Something for the barbecue? Art supplies? I am stymied.

And, if these guys are tough to gift, what about the two teenagers whose preferences are both mobile and static as they wander through the terrible angst of being adolescents. Our culture does a poor job of moving children into adulthood. We assume that public education is that structure that turns lovers of Paw Patrol into young men, but it doesn’t.

There are so many competing seductions for teens, confronting them just as they are leaving the protection of the filters that their families constructed to protect them from the challenges of the world when they were younger.

One day you are playing with Legos and then, all of a sudden, with a surprising change of voice, you are thrown into the ocean of knowing and being intensely attuned to the opinions of others … kind of like Adam in the garden of Eden … only Eve is not the one who is offering the apple, it’s social media, media that elevates the baseness of life into “cutting edge” entertainment, the opinion of age mates, the ordinary sadness of life .. Other simpler cultures train their offspring to assume a clearly defined definition of adulthood and its accompanying responsibilities. We do not.

So, what is out there for my grandsons who are teens? Where do I start?

First it’s my observations that they are enough. Who they are now and who they are becoming, the latter a constant in life, is enough. They don’t need to use the yardsticks of the media, so called friends, etc. to evaluate themselves. With all the pressures that they are and will be facing they have a tool box given to them by their family to deal with the conflicting and sometimes dangerous temptations that life offers.

What can I give them that will engender a love of who they are and who they are becoming? A Thesaurus? Pictures of their parents as teens, prompting them to see the guidance that they offer comes from having been over the territory before?

What can tell them that the world is full of wonder, wonderful objects, people, ideas, experiences, way beyond Tic Tok,etc.? From a blade of grass to the soaring voice on an operatic stage – there is so much to encounter. Too often, the world is ignored by the seduction of digital devices. Meaningful springboards to the future are passed by. How do I encourage awareness, curiosity, exploration outside of the media and the whispered advice of others that can darken sunny days?

Each Christmas gift, for whatever reason, is a message about values that underlies choice. Bombarded by information, choice is the only viable tool. And the mechanism of choice is based on values they have been taught by precept and example about critical thinking, kindness, compassion, right and wrong.

And if I ask what they would like for Christmas, they have no answers. Maybe a new hoodie?

At best, at the very least, I wish that any gift I give is known to be an expression of my love for them, for my joy at being their grandmother. So, now I scan the accumulated catalogs, snippets of articles that I’ve set aside for Christmas ideas and taking several big breaths…forge ahead, hoping that I can give tools that bring delight.

OK, so it may wind up that I will gift a few hoodies and, maybe, if they are good, a Thesaurus where there are so many ways to find out the meaning of joy, gift, love, giving and receiving…