Untangling a ‘web’ of lies
Yikes – not again! The printer had become a bit balky, refusing from time to time to print on heavier card stock or envelopes.  Fixing these glitches was relatively easy, but not on that day. Nothing I could do, not even cleaning the rollers with distilled water and Q-tips, would make that printer do anything but flash “paper jam” over and over.
Even the automated diagnostic tools failed, but I wouldn’t give up. There are printer cognoscenti, otherwise known as “geeks,” out there who have worked around such problems. I thought that I ‘d go straight to the Hewlett-Packard website for and see what their forums may have in the way of oddball solutions. I Googled “HP printer troubleshooting.”
What would I do without Google?
A website popped up on my screen that displayed the words “HP printers,” and featured a virtual assistant. I clicked on the VA, and so began the on-line dialog.
“What seems to be the problem?”
I outlined the problem with my HP Photosmart C5180 all-in-one printer.
“That must be frustrating,” replied the ersatz person. “You will need to talk with a technician.”
“Do you want to talk with a technician?” the VA asked. These AI robots are unfailingly polite.
I was surprised at this offer, since my printer was off warranty by about 10 years. But, hey, the VA offered. So I said, “Yes”
The technician, who was a real person with a strong sub-continent Indian accent, reviewed my complaint and told me that he could repair my printer.  If he didn’t, he would send me a new, free printer.
“Really?”  I asked. It’s amazing what you will believe when you want to.
I queried “Rob” about the free printer.  First of all, he said that their success rate was so good, that only one percent of the customers received printers. He then outlined what it would cost for his service and postage for the printer. It seemed reasonable having paid IT people for fixes before.  The postage for the printer was a bit odd, but I was hoping that “Rob” could fix my workhorse printer.
After several hours of searching files, trying elaborate off-and-on strategies, even removing the ink cartridges, the “HP” fixers declared that my printer was dead … something called a “spooling” problem.
So, it seemed I was going to get a new printer.
“How am I going to pay for your work and postage?” I asked. “Can I use Pay Pal?”
“No!  we cannot accept Pay Pal or credit cards,” I was told. “You must write a check.”
“A check?” I asked, surprised.
“Yes – a check and then you will scan it and we will prepare an email with you promising to pay with the scanned check. Then you will put the check in the mail. The printer will arrive in five business days.”
“You will send us the check, won’t you?”  He asked me this several times.
Now, I was on high alert.  No Pay Pal or credit cards?
I wrote the check, scanned it and saw an email on my screen that the check’s recipients were two companies neither of which were the brand name of my printer.
The word “scam” came to mind in capital letters. But I continued, interested in seeing where this would take me.
“Where do I send the check?” I asked.
“Rob” gave me an address in Maryland.
Checking the email recipients’ websites, I found that one was blocked by my Norton as potentially dangerous and the other had an introduction that included explanations about criticisms leveled against the company.
The address in Maryland was a private home as well as … and this is rich … the headquarters of one of the companies, which had previously stated its headquarters were in Texas.
Now I was …what is the ladylike word for mad as hell? Was I stupid enough to be scammed by these guys?
I wrote emails to each of the companies and told them that I didn’t want the printer.  “Don’t send it” and please send me an invoice for the service that you rendered.
I spent most of the afternoon changing passwords and opening a new checking account, which is another nightmare.
Then I went to the official HP website.  I found the executive office email address and told whomever read that email that there were two companies masquerading as contractors for HP.  I didn’t expect to hear from anyone from anyone. I mean, HP is a huge company.
Turns out I was wrong.  The next day I got a phone call from “Ed,” an HP employee, who inquired about my issue, assured me that HP would look into what could be done and explained that most of the time the scammers contact you rather than you going to them.
“But,” I whined, “I thought I was dealing with HP, not web somebodyorother.com.”
Ed listened and offered me a $25 coupon to use to purchase a new printer from the HP website.
I did my research, and my new printer arrived today.
Ed called again a few days later to see how things were going. That is customer service.
Hey, how often does a huge corporation take the time to answer complaints by phone? Most of the time complaints go into the ether or the cloud and nothing is done. You stand there with egg on your face alone in the universe of the ill-advised bumpkins.
I am hoping that HP can investigate the two companies that so deftly convinced me that they were representing HP.
And, by revealing my gullibility, perhaps someone who reads this will not be fooled.
Now, to install my new printer. Prayers needed.

Ann Ferro is a mother, a grandmother and a retired social studies teacher. While still figuring out what she wants to be when she grows up, she lives in Marcellus with lots of books, a spouse and a large orange cat.