LETTER: Kids should learn about consequences of sex

To the editor:

Regarding the story about the Stop the Shaming sex education program, at first glance one might react by thinking, “What could be wrong with that?” Although the actual lesson plans are not available to review on the Stop the Shaming website, it seems that the theme is to be nonjudgmental and all inclusive; and that it is wrong to assign blame or shame for sexual behavior by youngsters. We’re asked to presume that guilt, shame and regret are all bad things when it comes to sex and that no child should be subjected to such feelings.

But is such a presumption actually a legitimate one to make? While there is no excuse for subjecting any child to public humiliation, bullying or ostracizing, have we perhaps pushed the envelope too far in the other direction to where we are saying nothing wrong has been done? Human beings are imperfect creatures and one of the counterintuitive gifts we have to better ourselves is our ability to feel regret, guilt and yes, perhaps even shame for things we have done which we wished perhaps we hadn’t done. That is how we learn within ourselves ideas about what is right and what is wrong. But if we say that no wrong has been done then that is exactly the perception that will be ingrained in that person about whatever the activity is.

I would hope that most of us would think that adolescent sex is inappropriate behavior for a host of reasons — emotional, health, pregnancies — but the one that I think and hope we all gravitate to as the most important, is that we know that it is part of the bond that is created between two adults who have pledged their lives to each other in marriage. Have we really gotten so far away from embracing such an idea?

While I am also not privy to the lesson plans that New Hope offered — the program that has now been eliminated from Baldwinsville schools — I believe that is the message they tried to instill. While perhaps a religious-based agency, I suspect there was no religion brought into the lessons they tried to teach. I am concerned that Stop the Shaming in its strident attack on New Hope, is fundamentally an attack because the group emanates from a religious foundation. But that is like saying that if you are a practicing Christian or Jew or from any other faith, you have no right to be teaching in public schools.

Is the idea I have tried to express here so old-fashioned? I suspect it is not because good moral behaviors are not arbitrary things. They stand the test of time. It appears to me that we have gone overboard in our easygoing, anything-goes messaging to kids in so many areas, not just with what is appropriate behavior with sex. Kids ought to be taught to think more than twice about the ramifications of pre-adult behavior when it comes to sex. I’m not at all convinced that this new program does that.