Before the holiday dust even settles, your college student will be returning for spring break. Many of you are probably evaluating how your holidays went. If you are among those who felt it was great to have your son or daughter home and they were nothing but helpful and respectful, then count yourselves as very fortunate.
Most of us are asking ourselves who these people are that look and sound like our children. Sadly, this is another one of those rites of passage. Our children are growing up. They have experienced great freedom at college and have forgotten (or choose to disregard) home rules. Over the years of working with college age students, I have learned a few things about what not to do with returning college students.
Don’t ask a lot of questions or give advice, unless asked. How are we supposed to learn about their lives, new interests and friends? We’re not. If they want us to know something, they will tell us. Otherwise, just be satisfied with observing and listening.
This one is difficult; do not negatively comment on their new friends (especially girl or boy friends.) Try not to suggest that there is something about them of which you don’t approve. This will only draw your son or daughter closer to these acquaintances. But take heart; by next break they probably won’t have the same group of friends.
About their appearance; we took such care teaching our children how to be presentable and bought them so much new clothing before school. They may never be that clean cut kid you said goodbye to in September. Try to get over it.
Do the same house rules apply? College students have no curfew. They do not eat on a regular schedule. Colleges do not insist on clean dorm rooms. A few months at college can reverse 18 years of parenting. Review some general guidelines when your son/daughter comes home, but don’t expect them to follow the same rules as when they were in high school. They will avoid coming home in the future.
This is a tough pill for many of us to swallow. For better or worse, these changes are all part of parents letting go of their children and allowing them to grow up. They won’t be coming home that often, so try to savor the good moments and ignore the others.
Maria Badami is a college advisor with College Directions of CNY in Fayetteville. 243-6658. collegedirectionscny.com.
