By Emmy Luna
Growing up as a girl in a society that thrives on boundaries and cultural norms is arduous. There are astronomical expectations women are expected to meet. As a 15-year-old girl, the number of people who’ve told me I’m doing something wrong is innumerable. Not only are we expected to keep up appearances, but we have to withstand sexual harassment on a regular basis, starting from a shockingly young age.
It’s become normal. I can always expect to get cat-called or ogled. When it doesn’t happen, which is incredibly rare, I wonder: Is it Christmas already? I can predict someone shouting obscenities at me, or someone staring at parts of my body where their eyes shouldn’t wander. I also know to never walk alone, especially at night, and preferably accompanied by a male friend.
Women know to hold their keys between their fingers, like claws. They know to hold their phone to their ears in order to appear busy, or to actually phone a friend. When men walk behind us, we increase our speed, praying to whatever God exists that we don’t become the 1 in 6 women that are sexually assaulted.
The first time I was sexually harassed (oh yes, there was more than one time) was when I lived in California. Across the street from my house was the back of a restaurant, with a door to the kitchen wide open. I was in fifth grade, and walking my dog. The door was open, and I heard laughing. Two beefy guys emerged, wide smiles on their faces. They started yelling at me. At first, I didn’t realize that their attention was on me, because the things they were yelling were so awful. Then I realized they were.
I broke down inside. I felt like my heart had been crushed. Not only that, I was petrified. I was 11 years old, and defenseless. These were two grown, 200-pound men, and I was a child. Calmly, I walked back to my house. Even at 11, I knew I couldn’t give them the satisfaction of running and crying.
I told my mom what happened as I finally broke and sobbed. She marched over to the restaurant and demanded to speak to the owner. After explaining what happened, the owner led her to the kitchen. I wasn’t there, but she yelled angrily at the staff for 10 minutes.
What is our culture teaching men for them to think that it’s okay to ogle and harass a child? Were my clothes, a long sleeved shirt and jeans, too provocative? Girls a lot younger than I was are harassed. I was lucky. Some girls are assaulted, molested and raped.
I don’t want to have to fear men. Men can be good people too. Men aren’t inherently sexist or misogynist or rape prone. Sexism and misogyny are taught and allowed. They are taught to little boys, with phrases like, “Boys will be boys,” and “He’s only teasing you because he likes you.” Saying and repeating expressions like that is ignorant, and teaches boys they can do whatever they want.
The effect of sexual abuse continues far beyond the day or week or month or even year after the experience. Personally, my first encounter with harassment stayed with me afterwards. How could I cover up more? How could I make my breasts look smaller? It was always, What can I do to change my behavior so this won’t happen again?
It took me years to finally realize that what happened and continues to happen wasn’t my fault. I can’t imagine what possibly goes through the mind of someone who has experienced far worse. Women who have been sexually assaulted or raped are four times more likely to commit suicide, according to statistics.
Try to conceptualize the emotions that run through someone’s head when they have been violated and dehumanized to the point where they seriously consider ending their life over living another day. It is brutal and heart-wrenching.
My voice is powerful. Your voice is powerful. Victims’ voices are powerful. They are stronger than the experience that binds them, louder than the money that tried to silence them, and more powerful than the predators who dominated them.
As a girl, growing up is hard. However, as much as society tells me to, I will not remain silent about my struggles. I will no longer be quiet about my experiences with sexual harassment. It took me years to find that kind of bravery.
My encounters had left me humiliated and restrained. I appreciate the enormous courage it took for the Silence Breakers to speak up. Because sexual abuse should not be a norm; not in the workplace, school, the street or a home. It’s never excusable.
Sexual abuse isn’t a laughing matter. It isn’t something that can be pushed under the rug. No one should be powerful enough to silence the voices of victims. Victims of sexual misconduct, harassment, assault and rape have already been dehumanized and objectified, and their lives changed immeasurably.
If you are a victim of sexual assault, you are heard. We have heard you. I have heard you. Victims of sexual abuse, I urge you to call 800-656-HOPE (4673). You will be connected to a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.
It is completely confidential. Records are never released unless obligated by law. They will let you know laws about sexual assault in your area and health centers that give sexual assault forensic exams. There is a non-discrimination policy. Thanks to Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), you can start healing as soon as you call.
Emmy Luna is a ninth grade student at Cazenovia High School.
