I spent tortuous hours learning the abbreviations of the states. There I sat, a determined nine-year-old, writing and re-writing the names of each state and its abbreviation with a wooden pen, a nib and real ink: New York, NY; Connecticut, Conn. … Blotches all over the paper, ink-stained fingers and lots of frustration. Eventually, by the sheer weight of repetition, I knew them. Then, without consulting me, someone changed the abbreviations. Conn. which was the abbreviation for Connecticut is now CT, not CO as would seem logical, because that is the abbreviation for Colorado. Ark. which was once Arkansas is now AR, but Arizona moves to AZ. I had to look the latter two up, since I refuse to go through the motions of memorization over again.

Similarly, while I was sleeping or otherwise engaged, someone has rearranged what I learned to be the correct format for a written letter. Back in the olden days in something called etiquette class, where we sweated over such things, I wrote and re-wrote the date, inside address, salutation, body of the letter and complementary closing so that it was second nature.

Those old conventions, which served us for so long are being eroded away. Of particular note and consternation to me are the salutation and complementary closing forms that have morphed into something that is not only confusing but slightly dangerous.

Finding that many eschew the use of the word “Dear” in the salutation and simply write the name of the person to whom the letter is addressed, e.g., “Joe,” … a kind of “Hey there, this letter is for you,” I wondered what had happened. This is most certainly not scientific, but I asked a younger gal that I knew about this and, looking at me as if I had a large L tattooed on my forehead, she said that using the word “Dear” was inappropriate. Well, she didn’t use the word inappropriate. Actually, she said something like, “Why would I use dear? He’s not dear to me.” To her, this age-old construction meant a description of closeness, intimacy even. I, in my inimitable know-it-all way tried to explain the concept of convention, the idea that we all use the same format. “It is not as if you write dearest or dear one.” She again looked at me as if I had just landed from Jupiter.

And so in this land of ‘do your own thing’, the salutation that I learned in elementary school is being assaulted by people who chose to see every word as having some kind of relationship meaning. What do you write if you don’t particularly like the person to whom the letter is addressed? One can only guess.

Then there are the endings of the letters – the complimentary closings. I can clearly recall the limited number of options that we typed in what is today called keyboarding class.

There was “Yours Truly, Very Truly Yours” and the always-appropriate “Sincerely.” My friend, who finds “Dear” a bit too intimate, often closes with “Regards” or some version thereof. “Best Regards, Warm Regards and Warmest Regards” are versions that have come across my desk. Is there a hierarchy of regards? What does it mean when my new insurance agent, whom I have never met, signs his yearly premium notice, “Warmest regards?” Is he flaunting convention? Is he telling me something that I should know?

Is “Warmest” similar to “Best,” but with a friendlier connotation? Are there meanings here that have escaped me? If the emotional weight of these former conventional written versions of “Hail” and “Farewell” are now linked to the relationship between the writer and the reader, it is important to understand. My gosh, am I conveying meaning where none is meant? And, conversely, if I am receiving mail that was formerly signed, “Warmest Regards” and is lately concluded with “Warm Regards,” does that mean I have been demoted?

Without mutually agreed upon convention, it is up for grabs.

And let’s not forget personal notes that range all over the place from no complimentary closing to often humorous or elaborate sign offs. I sign much of letters to my close friends, written on paper or sent into cyber space with ‘Love”… a sign that they are cherished. But now I am worrying, with all of this rearranging of meaning, have I sent out the equivalence of emotional land mines? Most, of course are of the same generation as myself and still, I think, subscribe to the old format…but one never knows…some are more “hip” …or is it “cool” …whatever…than others. Mayhaps I should simply sign my name, without any complimentary closing. Just something else to worry my brain cells as I continue to deal with changes in state abbreviations and wonder about the location of Burkina Faso and Myanmar and if it is possible to become a dance hall hostess at 80.