By Hayleigh Gowans
Staff Writer
This week’s column reflects a topic that some adults may or may not want to celebrate, but my birthday is upcoming and I decided it would be a good time to research adult birthday etiquette.
In the time of Emily Post’s writing of her first edition of “Etiquette” in 1922, adult birthday celebrations were typically more formal than today, and usually included a dinner, lunch or picnic for guests to enjoy put on by a host other than the birthday celebrator. Today, birthday celebrations can include similar types of events, or events at entertainment establishments such as a bowling alley, bar or restaurant.
When you are hosting a birthday celebration, some form of invitation should be used. In today’s society, you can use printed, email or Facebook invitations, but be sure to keep in mind that not all guests may check their emails or social media on a regular basis.
On the invitation, include a time, date, location, activity and a phone number to R.S.V.P. to. As the host, you should have a rough schedule of events planned out in order to keep your guests entertained. For example, if you would like to go bowling and then to a bar, but sure to let guests know that will be occurring. For dinner parties at home, you should try to keep a schedule of activities going such as the order you will serve the main meal, dessert and any activities you may do during the event.
If you receive a birthday invitation, make sure to let the host know if you can make it or not so they can make accurate plans for the event. It is typical to give a birthday gift while attending one of these events, though some invitations may ask you not to bring a gift. If a birthday celebrator does not want to receive gifts, it should be stated in the invitation.
Most of the adult birthday manners I found during research focused on an individual hosting a birthday celebration for another person, which got me wondering if it was in bad taste to throw your own party in the modern age.
What I found is that there are conflicting views on the matter. According to a March 17, 2013 column by Judith Martin a.k.a. Miss Manners in the Washington Post, she believes throwing your own birthday celebration has the risk of being tacky. In throwing a celebration, you are putting the burden on guests and essentially soliciting gifts for yourself, Martin believes. She said if a person would like to throw their own celebration, they must keep their guests in mind.
However, I do not agree you should feel tacky for throwing your own celebration, and I found a few other manners columns that agreed. If you have a close enough friend group, inviting people to get together to celebrate your birthday shouldn’t be frowned upon.
We live in a world that is busy and not everyone has the time to throw parties for their friends or significant others. If you want a party for yourself, you should be able to take the initiative as long as you keep the burden of your guest on your mind. For example, you wouldn’t want to invite your friends to an expensive restaurant out of their price range and expect them to pay their own way. This can cause some awkwardness to people who are not in a financial situation that allows that.
I also believe since there are so many establishments that allow for birthday parties to be taken out of the house, it is similar to asking your friends out to a night of bowling and drinks, or to a place that hosts karaoke where entertainment will be easy to come by.
As for gifts, I think most reasonable adults would not expect all of their guest to bring birthday presents, and would be gracious of anyone who did decide to give a gift.
Overall, I think you can throw your own birthday, or a birthday party for another person, in a way that shows good manners as long as you keep your guests in mind and are appreciative of all who decided to take part.
