It is spring in a local election year and just like the crocuses, you have to catch candidates early or they’ll end up like our friends on TV’s “Survivor.”
“The tribe has spoken, now it’s time to extinguish your torch. You have to leave the political camp immediately,” say the party committee members, meeting to decide who’s going to be voted off the political island.
As seen on “Survivor,” strategic alliances were forged in an effort to gain support of party committee members, some of whom are former Survivor: Democratic Island players themselves. Once voted off the political island, they’ve chosen to remain on the Jury.
Failure to please the “Jury” can make your time on the island costly and unpleasant, since now you have a fight within the tribe. Then there’s a paradigm shift from political protocol to political expediency, a la American Political Idol whereas the challenger must convince primary voters to extinguish the torch of their opponent.
Jesse Hurt, 4th District Common Council candidate, tried hard with “Ain’t no Sunshine (when she’s gone),” but was outsung by Khalid Bey with his interpretation of “Sittin’ by the Dock of the Bay,” with references to the gleaming monument to conspicuous consumption DestiNY USA. Bey started early with public support of Democratic stalwarts Charles Anderson, Clarence “Junie” Dunham and others pleading his case long before Hurt began his run. Hurt could not stop Bey’s momentum; the question is, will there be a primary battle for the 4th Council District?
The newly-minted Councilor-At-Large Pam Hunter was defeated by Helen Hudson with her version of the Broadway musical and movie “Dream Girls” smash hit, “And I’m Telling You (Yes I’m Runnin’),” ending by propelling a spinning burning tipped baton which landed where the committee representing the Valley was seated.
“Oh look, the lady’s blue hair is on fire,” one committee member was heard yelling.
Hudson will be the top vote-getter this November, making her a future contender or pain in the butt for those officials who aren’t listening to those who vow that budget balancing shouldn’t be at the expense of services for the poor.
Judicial candidates can’t participate in childish political banter but can walk around the room and give a royal wave to loyalists in the crowd. Not too much wrist, wave like the motion of the wind catcher perched on top of Carousel Mall.
And the finale of the event was a hologram of the Republican Onondaga County Executive Joanne Mahoney that hovered luminescent over the crowd. Joanie stomped out all opponents by warbling her version of Tina Turner’s “I Can’t Stand the Rain” clad only in a rain barrel and galoshes holding a sign that said, “Save the Rain” as she rolled out yards of mosquito netting.
Ken Jackson is the editor of Urban CNY and a weekly columnist for The Eagle. Reach him at [email protected].
“You might need these,” she whispered to the adoring crowd as her image disappeared as quickly as it came.
